When I was 19, I remember the Lord whispering these words to me… “Let love be me alone.” I describe it as a whisper because they were words I felt spoken within me, to my spirit. At the time, I was wrapped up in relationships and was looking to them to fill me up, to make me feel like I was enough.
Once I finally surrendered to those small 5 words, I remember a huge weight being lifted and feeling freedom like I hadn’t experienced up until that point. It’s like He was just waiting for me to come to Him… in all of my mess and brokenness and striving.
Even though I experienced freedom during that season, the journey to letting God be enough for me didn’t end there. Sometimes we get over one hurdle only to face another, but often the deep down struggle remains the same, doesn’t it?
At the same time I felt those words spoken to me, a verse was also impressed upon my heart that I would say has become a theme in my heart and life. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4) For anyone who’s grown up in the church, you’ve likely heard this verse before. It’s a pretty “popular” one. But sometimes in order to get a fresh perspective I need to pretend I’m reading it for the first time. Will you read it again with fresh eyes with me? “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
The amazing thing about God’s word is that no matter how many times we read something, we know that His word is “living and active” (Heb 4:12)…so it’s always going to stir something in us. What I discovered during that time was that what I thought were the desires of my heart weren’t my actual desires. For example, my desire wasn’t for a husband but to be pursued and loved unconditionally. Jesus alone can give that. No matter how awesome your husband is, he won’t love you perfectly every day of your life. When I thought the desire of my heart was an amazing teaching job, I realized the deeper desire of my heart was to use my gifts and skills to help others. I desired a deep sense of purpose. There is a deeper desire beneath the surface desire. And that’s what I believe He’s talking about in this verse. As we delight in Him, He gives us the true desires of our hearts.
At every stage in my life, I have been tempted to look to other things to fulfill me. Whether its been my career, my husband, my kids, friendship, even church ministry…I have looked to each of these things to make me feel important and like I am enough. But that way of life feels like striving and it’s tiring. I don’t want to live my life striving after things that will never truly fulfill me. I believe God gives us good gifts in our lives and He wants us to enjoy them! But what He doesn’t want and what He knows isn’t healthy for us is for us to want those things more than we want Him.
I don’t say this from a place of total victory! I look to other things all the time to feel like I’m enough. I think we all do. But none of these things will ever satisfy that desire within us. It may feel like they do at times, but Jesus has so much more for us. His love is extravagant. Everlasting. Unending. It’s not based on what we do or don’t do, what we have or don’t have.
This invitation to letting love be Him alone is the most freeing and beautiful truth I can think of. We can breathe because our Everlasting Father fulfills the desires of our hearts and tells us who we are in Him… Enough. Redeemed. Loved. Chosen. Pursued. Accepted. Gifted. Called. Forgiven. Free. That’s who you are in Him. He doesn’t see us any other way.
So what does this look like as we’re living out our actual daily lives? I think it looks like a lot of letting go. A lot of surrender and giving it back to Him when we find ourselves slipping into that cycle of trying to fill our needs with things that don’t satisfy us. It’s daily recognizing that there is a need within us that we can’t fill up on our own. No matter how hard we try. It’s being thankful that He loves us so much that He offers us Himself… a relationship with Him that is unlike any other we will experience in this life.
Help me to let love be you alone Jesus. Thank you for loving us so wildly and unconditionally!